Indetermined
by PirateExtraordinaire
Summary: Eclipse in Edward's POV. Sequel to As Darkness is Falling. R&R. Nominated for Twiliters United Midnight Sun Award.
1. Preface

**A/N:** And here it is - the long awaited Eclipse EPOV. I hope you enjoy. The name of this story is hopefully temporary, but that depends on you as readers. Please PM me or review with a suggestion for a new name. Also, review with what you think of the story! Pretty please?

Disclaimer: I _do not own_ Eclipse. I _do not own_ any of these characters. They all belong to the amazing Stephenie Meyer. I only hope that I am portraying them in the best light possible.

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PREFACE

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It all happened so quickly.

We were waiting for the fight to be over, and then I heard _her_ 'voice' - and they were heading _straight_ toward us.

How could this have happened?

The entire family had planned everything out. Bella and I were supposed to be safe. _My_ _Bella_ was supposed to be safe. I was very relieved, though, that Bella had made me stay here. I shuddered at the thought of Bella dying because I had left her alone for even a fraction of a second. I shifted my weight toward the two vampires that were approaching. I felt the love of my existence shift her weight, also.

I looked at her fiery red hair and his blonde hair as they stepped into the clearing. I recognized his scent at once. He was the intruder from before.

Bella was right. She was right all along.

And now I was going to fight for our lives again. I knew that one of two things would happen - either I would come out victorious and Bella would live, or I would die with her. There was no way that I would let her go ever, ever again.

I readied myself for my first attack, and instantaneously, I heard a wolf howl.

_I'm coming, _it said.


	2. Ultimatum

**A/N: **And now, the real first chapter. Please read and enjoy. Thanks to my betas, **Gabriel Wolfe **and** amose**, for being so patient with me. Review and vote on my poll!

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ULTIMATUM

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It is odd how history repeats itself.

How things happen over and over again and although you see it coming, you find yourself unable to stop it, even when you are standing there in front of it, your arms flailing, trying to make it stop.

That's how I felt when I saw that look in her eyes. When _Bella_ was thinking about Jacob. I knew that she desperately wanted to see him, but he was far too stubborn to speak to her.

And, of course, I was far too wise to allow them to see each other, anyway. I remembered the last time the wolves emerged, when Jacob's grandfather was the leader. There were several... accidents. I couldn't allow that to happen to Bella, especially if I wanted her to remain alive.

And I did, more than anything, in more than one way. I wanted her to physically _be_, but she wanted something different. Something that wouldn't make her alive by human standards. I didn't want her to even try to make the decision, but as of late, that same decision has been out of my hands since the 'vote.'

Although I'd never admit it out-loud, there was that part of me, the sick, selfish side of me that wanted Bella to become like me. To become a vampire. To be with me forever. I _wanted_ that. I _wanted _to be with her for eternity, have her by my side, know that no matter what, her love for me would never waver. I knew she loved me now, but what about later? What if her mind did change? As she learned more about me, I feel she would not grow to love me, but grow to hate me, deplorable creature that I am. There were so many 'what if's' with us.

My jaw twitched in the pain of the thought, and I covered my face in my hands, sighing. It seemed that no matter what I did, there was always a possible consequence of the choice I made with Bella.

At any rate, I was happy that I could at least bide my time until the wedding. If I were lucky, I would be able to push the time of her change farther, but only time would tell at this point. I knew that with time, if Bella had her way, she _would _become one of us. But that same thought haunted me - _Would she regret it?_

It was another rainy afternoon, and I was once again counting down the seconds before I could see my Bella. This afternoon in particular, I was laying on the couch in my room, thinking. It was unbearable to be without her - time passed so slowly. Bella had that look in her eye at school, like she did when she was thinking of _him_. I really wasn't sure what to do about that situation.

Today was, without a doubt, one of _those_ days.

When I left Bella all those months ago, she didn't act as I had planned. I was sure that she would have pain, but I had underestimated her love for me. She was absolutely miserable. I could see it in the minds of schoolchildren as I walked down the halls with her by my side, her hand grasped firmly in the chilly confinement of my own. I wasn't exactly a favorite among the Forks High School kids.

The girls still swooned over me unfortunately, but they were very annoyed to see that Bella had taken me back so easily. They thought that if I had come back, Bella wouldn't receive me after they saw how badly she took my leaving. I was incredibly relieved that they had been wrong.

It was hard to see her through their thoughts, but it was hardest when I saw her through Jacob's thoughts in the meadow that day. It was just a flash, but I knew that he was the one that made her marginally better in my absence.

I had so much to thank him for, but he was dangerous. It was not safe for her. And her safety was what I needed - for her, for _me_ - as long as she was still breakable.

I had quite a bit to ponder.

I glanced at the clock and it read 6:55. I could see Bella at 7:00.

I jumped up off the couch, realizing that being lost in thought, I had also lost track of time. I went to my closet and grabbed a rain jacket before I ran down the stairs into the living room. I walked toward the front door past Esme, who said, "Over to Bella's, I assume?"

"Yes," I responded, trying to make it out of the house quickly. I was so eager to get to her - to my Bella, my love, my _everything_.

"I see. How is she? It has been so long," Esme sighed, _This house is lonely without you two here. I always feel like the room brightens up just a little bit more when you are both here together._

"She is still grounded. I don't know how long that will last, though. Charlie's will to keep her grounded has been waning over the last couple of weeks. I think that she will be back here anytime now." I glanced at the grandfather clock, standing on the wall behind her, and then looked over to Esme imploringly, hoping that this conversation would come to a close. It was 6:57.

_Go. Have fun tonight,_ _Esme winked. _She knew me too well, sensing that magnetic pull that always pulled me right back into Bella's warm, slender arms whenever I was away.

"Don't worry, I will," I paused. "Any moment with Bella is an adventure. I can hardly wait until we're married." Esme smiled.

I grabbed the stack of college applications that I had earlier placed in a manila envelope and shoved the roll of stamps in my pocket as I walked out the door. I ran to the Volvo and got in, wishing I could run to Bella's house. It would have been so much _faster, _but I had to bring it as a prop so that Charlie wouldn't have something _else_ to throw at me mentally. I could hear his 'voice' now - _This kid is a freak. He walked miles in the rain to see my girl. I don't know if he is right in the head._

_Only Charlie, _I thought. I shook my head slowly, then put the car in gear and sped as quickly as possible to the Swan residence. I parked next to Charlie's cruiser, and reached over to the passenger seat, where the stack of applications were. I got out of the car, tucked the envelope under my jacket to shield it from the rain, and went to the door.

I checked Charlie's thoughts to make sure he was in a pleasant mood. I did not want to upset the good policeman more than he already was with Bella and I. To my relief, Charlie's thoughts were relatively calm. In fact, they were pleased.

_I'm so proud of my little girl_, he boasted in his mind. _A college acceptance - I could never have done that. She is so amazing, and I'm so lucky to have her. Now for that Edward, that's a different story..._

Charlie said to Bella, pleased, as he gave her the pre-opened envelope she'd just looked at, "Congratulations, your first acceptance."

It was then that I heard her voice - as beautiful and sweet as the first time I had heard it. "Thanks, Dad," she said. My heart sang as I heard her voice. It had been far too long since I'd heard it.

They continued to talk about money and tuition when Charlie asked what I was planning on doing, obviously hoping that I would not be going to the University of Alaska Southeast. Bella's heart started racing after he inquired, so I decided that it was the time to knock on the door. 'Her personal savior', she called me. She had no idea how much those words warmed me coming from those sweet lips whenever she did. But it also brought forth terrible coldness. How could she call a monster her personal savior?

As Bella shouted, "Coming!" Charlie grumbled "Go away. Get out of my house and away from my daughter." I ignored his thoughts, thinking of Bella as she ran towards the door, her feet thumping lightly against the floor as she ran to me.

Within seconds, the door swung open and she was standing there - my own personal little angel. My silent heart melted at the sight of her, as usual_. _My torturous thoughts of self loathing vanished.

Her long brown hair was tied in a loose bun on top of her head, and her pale skingrowing flushed at the sight of me. Her heart started racing and that made me smile. I loved the affect I had on her, but furthermore, I loved the affect she had on me. If I were human, she would make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time.

Bella took my hand, and I threaded my own fingers through hers, letting the heat of hers warm my fingers and my palm. It felt wonderful. Not only the warmth, but the fact that _she_ was the one holding my hand. I loved being with her, feeling her with me. She sighed and smiled. She looked into my eyes, saying, "Hey." Her brown eyes mesmerized me with their depth, and I felt like I could drown in them.

I pulled our hands up to her burning cheek, to feel the warmth of her blushing face. How I wished I could show her that I would be blushing in her presence, too, if I were human. She truly had no idea what she did to me.

I inquired, "How was your afternoon?"

She rolled her eyes a bit and responded with, "Slow."

I thought about my own afternoon without her. It was spent on the computer working with colleges and paying late fees to obtain these applications. It was also spent worrying about that _look_ she'd had in her eyes during school_. _I worried about what she thought of him, and I wouldn't ever admit how much to her. In addition to that, there had also been that gnawing craving in my heart that always ached horribly when I was parted from her.

I put those things out of my mind and simply said, "For me, as well." No need for her to understand just _how_ slow.

I closed my eyes, shoving all my other thoughts aside as I just drowned in thoughts of _her_, as I took our hands, now entwined, and skimmed her wrist under my nose, inhaling. It was the most torturous, most glorious smell I had ever endured. It tormented me in the beginning, but now it was a sort of sanctuary. The smell was so sweet. My throat closed and I felt venom in the back of my throat, but it was nothing. She smelled so delicious, but I resisted almost effortlessly.

Ever since our run-in with the Volturi, it was becoming easier and easier to be in her presence. After realizing the agony of ever being away from her, thinking she was. . ._ dead_, the monster in me had been brutally tamed. Charlie came stomping down the hallway, as if he were trying to make his presence known. _That boy better not be doing anything with my little girl. They've been spending far too much time together. At least now I've gotten her to promise to spend time with other people. Maybe he won't be around so often. . ._His thoughts trailed on, but I knew now was the time to act before he could snap at Bella and me.

My eyes snapped open at this. Charlie's thought processes were preposterous. I wouldn't leave Bella alone unless she asked me to. I _couldn't_. It hurt far too much. I didn't want Charlie to ban me from hereither, so I let our hands fall, though still keeping them together. I didn't want our time with each other to be limited to nights and school days. _That_ would be torture. A few hours was absolute pain without her. What would a whole six to seven hours be?

I found it interesting, though, that Charlie had so radically changed his mind about me. He used to enjoy my company, at least. But I knew I deserved his harsh treatment, though, even if Bella did not agree.

I turned to face him as he entered the hallway. "Good evening, Charlie," I said, with the most conservative voice I could muster. Anything to make him hate me a little less.

"Hmph," Charlie almost grunted, his hands folded over his chest. Vocally he was quiet, but his thoughts were raging. _I'm warning you, boy, stay away from my daughter. You're only here right now because Bella only offered me an ultimatum. This is my house and my rules. You better not think that I will take my eyes off of you._

I ignored his thoughts and turned to Bella. I got the stamps out of my pocket and put them around my smallest finger, then held up the stack of papers in the manila envelope I had carried in. "I brought in another set of applications."

Bella rolled her eyes and groaned, probably wondering if there were any colleges left in the nation that she hadn't applied to. I smiled. "There are still a few open deadlines. And a few places willing to make exceptions."

That was when Bella's mouth dropped. I could only imagine what she was thinking - I guessed she was thinking of the probable dollar amounts involved. At any rate, her expression was precious. I laughed. "Shall we?" I said, pulling her into the kitchen by our still linked hands. If I had it my way, our hands would be permanently entwined, so I would never be separated from her or her touch.

Charlie followed. _Well, at least they're doing something productive._

As Bella cleared the table, I opened the envelope and started sorting through the applications. I planned to keep her distracted so that she could not see _which _colleges she was applying to. I finished quickly, and looked over at Bella. She picked up her tattered copy of _Wuthering Heights_ and placed it on the counter. I had no idea why she read that book so much. It was about a sardonic fiend who did not deserve to breathe, and the love that he had for a selfish whelp of a girl. I raised an eyebrow at her, which didn't escape her glance.

Desperate to get a word in, Charlie said, "Speaking of college applications, Edward, Bella and I were just talking about next year. Have you decided where you're going to school?" _Probably Ivy League. Your father can probably afford it, and my goodness, you and your siblings are smart. At least you and Bella won't be together._ After he said that, his mind flashed to the U of A Southwest acceptance letter.

Usually when Charlie is in the room, his thoughts are directed towards me. It's ironic, in a sense, because he doesn't realize that I can actually hear him. I wondered at times if he would be embarrassed if he knew that I could hear him. At other times, though, I was sure that he wished that I could hear him.

I put a smile on my face and said politely, "Not yet. I've received a few acceptance letters, but I'm still weighing my options."

"Where have you been accepted?" Charlie pressed.

"Syracuse...Harvard...Dartmouth...and," I decided to throw this in simply to spite him. "I just got accepted to the University of Alaska Southwest today." I turned my head toward Bella slightly and winked at her.

_Oh no._ "Harvard? Dartmouth?"He practically sputtered. _You gotta be kidding me. I know he wouldn't go to U of A Southwest if he were...no..._ "Well that's pretty...that's something. Yeah, but the University of Alaska... you wouldn't really consider that when you could go Ivy League. I mean, your father would want you to..."

I smiled inwardly. "Carlisle's always fine with whatever I choose to do." _But even if he wasn't, he wouldn't have even had an opinion of the matter. Nothing would ever keep me from Bella again,_ I thought to myself, smiling internally again.

"Hmph," Charlie grunted. _Not good. Not good at all._

Bella chimed in with, "Guess what, Edward?"

She was playing along. I turned fully toward her and said with mock excitement, "What, Bella?"

She said, "I just got _my_ acceptance to the University of Alaska!" as she pointed at the envelope on the counter.

I grinned. "Congratulations! What a coincidence," I said, feigning surprise.

Charlie's eyes narrowed, and he was fuming. _I feel like they planned this._ "Fine. I'm going to go watch the game, Bella. Nine-thirty."

Bella said, her voice slightly demanding in that cute way it was. "Er, Dad? Remember the very recent discussion about my freedom...?"

_Oh. Yeah. I'm starting to regret it. . . "Right. Okay, ten-thirty. You still have a curfew on school nights."_

Although I knew she was ungrounded for the sole purpose of not seeing me so often, I was excited because I knew that we would be able to be together outside of school, and outside of Bella's house. "Bella's no longer grounded?" I askedhappily. Finally, I could have Bella all to myself for more than just the few hours in her bedroom that I had before she fell asleep.

"Conditionally," Charlie corrected through his teeth. "What's it to you?" _I wish you would leave. Now._

"It's good to know. Alice has been itching for a shopping partner," I said, tuning from Charlie to smile at Bella, "And I'm sure Bella would love to see some city lights." But little did Charlie know that the majority of the Bella's time after this day would be with _me_. I didn't plan on leaving her on her own at all, unless she demanded it. And even then, her absence from my presence would only be conditional.

Charlie clenched his fists and shouted, "No!" His face was purple.

"Dad, what's the problem?" Bella said, concerned.

"I don't want you going to Seattle right now." His thoughts were raging, and somehow grimly happy, joyous knowing that he had been able to correct me for once.

"Huh?" Bella inquired, confused.

"I told you about that in the paper - there's some kind of gang on a killing spree in Seattle and I want you to steer clear, okay?" When his mind flashed over the article, my eyes widened, horrified. I did my best to mask my expression. It didn't sound like a gang. And I only knew far too well what it was. No, never mind 'city lights'. That idea was definitely canceled out now.

"Dad, there's a better chance that I'll get struck by lightning than that the one day I'm in Seattle-"

I cut her off then, desperate to dismiss Charlie. A basketball game was due to be on television soon. "No, that's fine, Charlie. I didn't mean Seattle. I was thinking Portland, actually. I wouldn't have Bella in Seattle, either. Of course not." I reached for the paper and began reading it intently.These were _new _vampires. Vampires that could not cover their tracks. New vampires meant _old _vampires were creating them. I would have talked to Carlisle about this, but it wasn't this bad only three weeks ago.We'd merely brushed it off.

Charlie huffed one last time, and said, "Fine," as he walked out of the room. The TV turned on, and the volume was raised.

Bella tried to say, "What-" but I interceded with "Hold on," almost simultaneously. My mind was racing, and I didn't need to talk at this point.

I pushed the newspapers across her table. "I think you can recycle your essays for this one. Same questions." I heard her pen begin writing and I looked out the window, my mind working hard. I would need to speak to Jasper and Carlisle about this when I left Bella's house to put the car back tonight. Other vampires, and so close. Bella was not safe. Again. Fury and fear rose in me. Fury for any vampire that ever _dared_ touching a hair on my angel's precious head, fear for her life that would inevitably end _my_ life if hers ever did.

Suddenly Bella snorted as she shoved the papers aside, almost off the table.

"Bella?" I said, my eyes snapping back at her from the window. What was she doing?

"Be serious, Edward. _Dartmouth?_" She snorted, shaking her head.

I was certain she would be accepted. Dartmouth looked for people like her. And furthermore, the 'earlier generations' of the Cullen family had made several donations to the college in the past. I lifted the discarded application and placed it in front of her. "I think you'd like New Hampshire. There's a full complement of night courses for me, and the forests are very conveniently located for the avid hiker. Plentiful wildlife." I smiled at her, hoping that she would concede.

She still gave off the aura that there was not chance of her compliance. To assure her, I said, "I'll let you pay me back, if that makes you happy. If you want, I can charge you interest." Although that was a lie. I would never let Bella buy me or pay me anything. After what she'd given me- her heart and her love-, anything else would throw us even more off-balance.

"Like I could even get in without some enormous bribe," Bella countered, "Or was that part of the loan? The new Cullen wing of the library? Ugh. Why are we having this discussion again?"

She was good. But I had to try to make this happen. I would not let her make decisions so quickly, only to regret them later. It would break my heart to see her depressed as a vampire in twenty years if she were ever to look back and see all she's left behind. "Will you just fill out the application, please, Bella? It won't hurt you to apply."

Bella glared at me like a young child who defied her mother deliberately. Rebelliously, she said, "You know what? I don't think I will." As she said that, she looked down at the stack of forms and reached toward them. Before her hand reached the paper, I reached for them and tucked them back into my jacket. Bella stared at the table for a moment, and then at me.

Realization dawned on her face. "What are you doing?" she said.

"I sign your name better than you do yourself. You've already written the essays."

"You're going way overboard with this, you know," Bella whispered. I knew where she was going with this. I winced at the thought of her being a monster. But even that thought in my mind was beginning to whither away. How could anyone as beautiful and pure and wonderful as her ever be classified as a monster? "I really don't need to apply anywhere else. I've been accepted in Alaska. I can almost afford the first semester's tuition. It's as good an alibi as any. There's no need to throw away a bunch of money, no matter whose it is."

I sighed, strained at the fact that we were having this conversation _again_. I knew it would happen eventually, but I was hoping to extend her humanity a few years at least for her sake. "Bella-"

"Don't start. I agree that I need to go through the motions for Charlie's sake, but we both know I'm not going to be in any condition to go to school next fall. To be anywhere near people."

I tensed, but for Bella's sake, tried to make my voice softer, into almost a whisper. I wasn't angry at her, no. Never. Scared of what she might do in twenty years to come? I was terrified, and as usual, my fear always stirred my temper. "I thought the timing was still undecided. You might enjoy a semester or two of college. There are a lot of human experiences you've never had."

Bella's face was determined. "I'll get to those afterward."

I sighed. "They won't be _human_ experiences afterward. You don't get a second chance at humanity, Bella."How could I make her understand?

Bella sighed also. "You've got to be reasonable about the timing, Edward. It's just too dangerous to mess around with."

She, of course, was referring to the Volturi. I shuddered. Bella didn't see it because it was so quick, but I didn't want her to even think about that. Like I said, it would be thirty years before she had to worry about that. I could write a novel length letter to her explaining how little danger there was where the Volturi were involved.

Furthermore, Victoria was no threat at all. She was only one vampire, and there were seven of us. It was no big deal. I settled on insisting, "There's no danger yet." And no creature in the world, no matter how strong, no matter how many of them, would _ever_ be able to live if I were in the heat of protecting my Bella.

Bella's face was suddenly pensive. Horror ran through her eyes. And then that look. _That _look. The Jacob look came across her face. Pain entered every feature of her face, and she unconsciously reached toward her back pocket, like something was there. What was in her back pocket? Fear and pain ran through me, like they were running through my veins, and twisted my face. Was whatever in her pocket from _him_? How much did this… this _mutt_ mean to her? Did she possibly love him more than she loved me? My heart twisted at the thought, but I couldn't think of my own selfish thoughts now, so I pushed them away. Bella was all that mattered. She had to be happy, no matter what the situation. I wanted desperately to help however I could.

"Bella... There's no hurry. I won't let anyone hurt you. You can take all the time you need."

Bella's eyes were no longer glazed over. She looked up at me with a forcedplayfulness in her eye. "I want to hurry. I want to be a monster too."

She had no idea what she was saying. No clue at all. I felt my jaw tighten. I tried my best not to scream out right then and there,furious that I'd let her think creatures like myself were fit to be admired by such an angel. But I didn't so Charlie wouldn't try to admit me. I spoke. "You have no idea what you're saying." I picked up the newspaper, put it on the table between us, and pointed at the headline.

**Death Toll On The Rise, Police Fear Gang Activity**

"What does that have to do with anything?" she said. I almost cried at her lack of understanding. She really had no idea what she was getting in to. How could she want to be one of us when she had no real clue what was happening? It had everything to do with everything.

"Monsters are not a joke, Bella."

In her eyes was a look of confusion, then realization. "A...a _vampire_ is doing this?" She whispered frantically.

I smiled grimly - not because I was happy, but because Bella seemed to _finally_ understand, but only marginally. "You'd be surprised, Bella, at how often my kind are the source behind the horrors in your human news. It's easy to recognize, when you know what to look for. The information here indicates a newborn vampire is loose in Seattle. Bloodthirsty, wild, out of control. The way we all were. We've been monitoring the situation for a few weeks. All the signs are there - the unlikely disappearances, always in the night, the poorly disposed-of corpses, the lack of other evidence...Yes, someone brand-new. And no one seems to be taking responsibility for the neophyte..." As they should have been taken care of already... "Well, it's not our problem. We wouldn't even pay attention to the situation if it weren't going on so close to home. Like I said, this happens all the time. The existence of monsters results in monstrous consequences."

It was quiet for a moment.

Bella stared at the newspaper momentarily, then stared up at me with determination in her eyes. She said, "It won't be the same for me. You won't let me be like that. We'll live in Antarctica."

Now there was a thought. "Penguins. Lovely," I snorted. But truly, if that's what it took to keep Bella safe and happy, I'd travel to Antarctica, Greenland. . . _the moon_ for her.

Bella laughed nervously, knocking the newspaper off the table, and said, "Alaska then, as planned. Only somewhere much more remote than Juneau - somewhere with grizzlies galore."

"Better, there are polar bears, too. Very fierce. And the wolves get quite large," I said thoughtlessly, the words slipping out as I caught on with the distraction.

Bella's mouth dropped open, and I said, "What's wrong?" I then realized that I had said the _wrong_ thing. Her eyes glazed over into _the look_, and I was unable to take the words back. I very nearly threw the table through the wall. Oh, but if only I could banish that _look_ from her face that signified her thoughts of _him_. I remembered the times before I left, when her thoughts had been consumed of only me. I wanted those days back again, where Bella thought of me and _only _me. This hurt too much to be good. I knew she loved me, but Bella conquered every part of my life. She _was_ every part of my life. And I _wanted_ to be every part of hers. I needed this beautiful human in front of me too much. . . and I wanted her to need me the same way, for my peace of mind at least.

I tried to recover from what I'd just said. I was careful with my words, I said almost formally, "Oh. Never mind the wolves, then, if the idea is offensive to you." Smooth. Very smooth. I felt like hitting myself on the head.

"He was my best friend, Edward," she murmured, the pained look still on her face, "Of course the idea offends me."

"Please forgive my thoughtlessness. I shouldn't have suggested that." I could hear the way my voice sounded so smooth. Too smooth. I needed to force more emotion into them, but at the same time I knew that if I did, it would only trigger the jealousy in me.

Bella stared at her hands that were clenched into fists on the table. Her jaw was rigid, and she whispered, "Don't worry about it."

I knew that I couldn't do anything to take back my words. I felt horrible for making Bella upset. I tried one last time to make it right. I put my finger under her chin, trying to make her look into my eyes. I wanted her to see that I was sincere. "Sorry. Really."

That_ look_ was still there. "I know. I know it's not the same thing. I shouldn't have reacted that way. It's just that... well, I was already thinking about Jacob before you came over. Charlie says Jake is having a hard time. He's hurting right now, and... it's my fault."

I felt like I was fighting for her affections! I had to come to my own defense, to keep her from him. Jealousy was the feeling, as well as many others. Monster that I was, I even coveted her thoughts. "You've done nothing wrong, Bella." She couldn't go to him. I wouldn't allow it. She had to know what would happen to me if she did. . .

Bella sighed, dejected. "I need to make it better, Edward. I owe him that. And it's one of Charlie's conditions, anyway-."

As she spoke, I felt myself growing angrier and sadder at the same time. Charlie's conditions were unreasonable in the first place. He wanted his daughter to spend time with her friends, which was good, but _that mutt_ was unacceptable. _Especially_ when I couldn't be present. And her safety was an issue, also. How could I let her go to him, not knowing if she was safe? "You know it's out of the question for you to be around a werewolf unprotected, Bella," I tried to persuade, "And it would break the treaty if any of us cross over onto their land. Do you want to start a war?"

Bella's eyes widened. She almost shouted, "Of course not!"

"Then there's really no point in discussing the matter further." I began looking around the room for something to change the subject with. It was her first day of being ungrounded, I had to steer clear of heavy subjects. My eyes rested upon her copy of _Wuthering Heights._

"I'm glad Charlie has decided to let you out - you're sadly in need of a visit to the bookstore. I can't believe you're reading _Wuthering Heights_ again," I smiled, "Don't you know it by heart yet?"

"Not all of us have photographic memories," Bella said curtly.

"Photographic memory or not, I don't understand why you like it. The characters are ghastly people who ruin each other's lives. I don't know how Heathcliff and Cathy ended up being ranked with couples like Romeo and Juliet or Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy. It isn't a love story, it's a hate story."

"You have some serious issues with the classics," she retorted.

"Perhaps it's because I'm not impressed by antiquity. Honestly, though, why _do_ you read it over and over? What is it that appeals to you?" I smiled teasingly, but honestly I was curious too. How did her mind work? The one mind I wanted to access, so I could truly see, was blocked from me. I reached out and cradled her radiantly lovely face in my hand, savoring the warmth and her essence.

Although I wasn't sure why, Bella's pensive look wavered. But she finally answered, "I'm not sure. I think it's something about the inevitability. How nothing can keep them apart - not her selfishness, or his evil, or even death, in the end..."

Although she was right, I couldn't help but smile at one detail. "I still think it would be a better story if either of them had one redeeming quality."

"I think that may be the point," she countered. "Their love _is _their only redeeming quality."

I teased her more, now certain that she was distracted. "I hope you have better sense than that - to fall in love with someone so...malignant."

Bella smiled. "It's a bit late for me to worry about who I fall in love with, but even without the warning, I seem to have managed fairly well."

Being with a monster is managing well? That was almost laughable. "I'm glad _you_ think so."

Bella tried to keep the conversation light, saying, "Well, I hope you're smart enough to stay away from someone so selfish. Catherine is really the source of all the trouble, not Heathcliff."

"I'll be on my guard," I said, but internally whispering, _Only you, my love. Only you._

Bella sighed. She put her hand over mine - which was still on her face - and leaned into it. Her eyes closed and she smiled slightly. When she opened them again, ever so slowly, she looked at me with love, but said, "I need to see Jacob."

I closed my own eyes, only so that I wouldn't concede. "No." I always had difficulty denying Bella anything she wanted, but this was different. This was for her, even if she didn't fully understand my motives.

"It's truly not dangerous at all," Bella begged, "I used to spend all day in La Push with the whole lot of them, and nothing ever happened..." Her eyes widened as she finished the sentence. Something did happen, and we both knew it. I saw it flash through Jacob's mind as we were talking in the forest the first and only time we met. Bella was most likely thinking of Emily's scars. If it was of something else, I didn't want to know.

At any rate, her heart was flying, and I knew that she had lied. I nodded gravely and said, "Werewolves are unstable. Sometimes, the people near them get hurt. Sometimes, they get killed." Bella looked down at the table. And that someone could be you, love, I mentally cried. Oh sweetheart, don't you see? This is only for you. How could I ever let you get close to anybody that could ever cause you pain?

She eventually found her voice and whispered, "You don't know them."

"I know them better than you think, Bella. I was here the last time." And I refuse to put you in any danger because of them.

"The last time?"

"We started crossing paths with the wolves about seventy years ago..." I explained.

"We had just settled near Hoquiam. That was before Alice and Jasper were with us. We outnumbered them, but that wouldn't have stopped it from turning into a fight if not for Carlisle. He managed to convince Ephraim Black that coexisting was possible, and eventually we made the truce." Bella's eyes widened at the mention of Jacob's ancestor's name. "We thought the line had died out with Ephraim, that the genetic quirk which allowed the transmutation had been lost..." I looked down at Bella now, and saw her doe eyed look. I stared at her, thinking of the attraction that seemed to pull all bad things to her. "Your bad luck seems to get more potent every day. Do you realize that your insatiable pull for all things deadly was strong enough to recover a pack of mutant canines from extinction? If we could bottle your luck, we'd have a weapon of mass destruction on our hands."

Bella glared at me and said, "But I didn't bring them back. Don't you know?"

I was confused. I had no clue what she was talking about. "Know what?"

"My bad luck had nothing to do with it," she offered, "The werewolves came back because the vampires did."

How cliché. I felt my eyes narrow. "Is that what they think?"

"Edward," Bella sighed, "Look at the facts. Seventy years ago, you came here, and the werewolves showed up. You come back now, and the werewolves show up again. Do you think that's a coincidence?"

I hadn't thought of that at all, and I was sure Carlisle hadn't, seeing as I am the omnipresent mind-invader. "Carlisle will be interested in that theory."

"Theory," she scoffed.

"Interesting, but not exactly relevant. The situation remains the same." She was not going to go to La Push. Period. I knew that I was responsible for all of her past pain, and that Jacob was the one that mended her as best as he could, but I couldn't allow it. No. I couldn't. I actually wanted to maintain my sanity.

Bella got up and moved into my lap. I welcomed her with open arms, nestling her to me, suddenly all the love I held for her bubbling in my chest, overwhelming me. How simply spectacular she was. . .

"Please just listen for a minute," Bella said with sad eyes. "This is so much more important than some whim to drop in on an old friend. Jacob is in pain. I can't not try to help him. I can't give up on him now, when he needs me. Just because he's not human all the time... Well, he was there for me when I was...not so human myself. You don't know what it was like."

It was all I could do not to start sobbing right there. I knew what it was like for me to be with out her. It was hardly bearable. I remembered the agonizing nights, the distaste of living through it all, the agony that had rushed through me whenever I'd seen someone holding hands or kissing his mate. My hands were in fists. I couldn't bear to forgive myself for deciding to leave.

Bella continued, "If Jacob hadn't helped me... I'm not sure what you would have come to. I owe him better than this, Edward."

I closed my eyes and whispered, "I'll never forgive myself for leaving you. Not if I live for a hundred thousand years." However could I? Knowing that I'd caused her pain, the condition I'd put her in. . . that in itself was unacceptable.

Bella put her hand against my face, trying to make me open my eyes and look at her. When I did, she whispered, "You were just trying to do the right thing. And I'm sure it would have worked with anyone less mental than me. Besides, you're here now. That's the part that matters."

True. We were together, and that was the only thing that mattered. As long as I always had the opportunity to hold her in my arms, knowing she loved me, I could handle anything.

I couldn't help but feel guilty, though. "If I'd never left, you wouldn't feel the need to go risk your life to comfort a dog."

The anger flared in my chest again, and it took all that was in me to keep it in.

Bella flinched, but I continued. "I don't know how to phrase this properly. It's going to sound cruel, I suppose. But I've come too close to losing you in the past. I know what it feels like to think I have. I am not going to tolerate anything dangerous." How could I? Knowing the pain I'd felt, feeling the raging agony in me that had crippled me right there in that alley. . . I nearly shuddered at the memory. My muscles indiscernibly trembled with the possibility of her dying. I wouldn't survive.

Bella tried to reassure me. "You have to trust me on this, I'll be fine."

I couldn't stand it. She didn't understand that I was only thinking about her well-being...and how much I didn't want her in the presence of a mutt. How much I wanted her to be with me only, and with no one else. I whispered, "Please, Bella."

Bella stared into my eyes. "Please what?" No, she definitely didn't understand.

I tried to explain more clearly. "Please, for me. Please make a conscious effort to keep yourself safe. I'll do everything I can, but I would appreciate a little help."She couldn't leave me all alone in this world. I wouldn't be able to survive without her. The pain that I'd felt when I'd thought she died had been enough to leave any human soul-broken and dying. What would I do without her?

"I'll work on it," she murmured.

That answer wasn't quite enough, but it sufficed for now. "Do you really have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how much I love you?" I hugged her and tucked her under my chin. Her heart started racing and I could tell by her slightly more relaxed position that she was smiling. She kissed my neck, and I could have sworn my heart jumped at her touch.

"I know how much I love you," she replied.

"You compare one tree to the entire forest," I chuckled. She couldn't possibly love me more than I loved her. It just wasn't possible.

Bella shifted slightly under my chin, mumbling, "Impossible."

I kissed the top of her head and sighed. I could live like this forever, without one thing...

"No werewolves," I said.

"I'm not going along with that. I have to see Jacob."My jaw twitched at the fact that she 'had' to see that mutt, but I brushed it aside.

"Then I'll have to stop you."

She was stubborn. Two could play at that game.

"We'll see about that," she bluffed, "He's still my friend." I sighed, and merely sat there, relishing in her warmth and essence.

* * *

Later that night, after I had spoken to Carlisle, I went back to Bella's house. We talked until she fell asleep just like every other night- wrapped firmly in the loving embrace of her arms -but shortly after she finished sleep-talking, I remembered the thing that was in her pocket earlier.

I went to her pants that she had left on the floor and reached into her back pocket. Inside of it was a piece of paper. I unfolded it and saw the note. From the dog. No wonder she was thinking about him so much lately.

The last line read, Yeah, I miss you, too. A lot. Doesn't change anything. Sorry.

And that was when it started. . .


	3. Chapter 3

Hi.

I just wanted the readers to know that I have NOT given up on this fanfic. My last few months have been EXTREMELY busy - between getting a job, leaving the country for an extended period of time, and camps, I haven't been able to slow down for two seconds. Please be patient with me and know that I have not given up on this fic. I love you guys and keep reading!

The next chapter will replace this ASAP.

Thanks again, and sorry it's taken so long for me to update anything!


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